One kid vs Two

Such a hard decision. When I was growing up, I always thought I would have probably 2 kids, and maybe even three. I come from a family of three. Then I met Heath who also comes from a family of three. So easy, peasy. We both come from a family of 3 siblings so why not just do the same. Wrong.
I had a perfect pregnancy. Got pregnant easy, loved being pregnant and delivery was a piece of cake. So, its not this fact that turns me off from having more children. It's probably this fact that makes me want another the most at times.

But then I actually met Bentlee. And everything changed. We say all the time that God was just busting at the seams to make her and put her out in the world. That's why I got pregnant so quickly. He broke the mold making her. She is just such a different child. She sees things differently. She analyzes things. She makes me think. She challenges me to be different, to be better. And honestly, we are just so happy with her. It's me, her and Heath against the world. We are a family. And we feel complete. I'm not saying another child wouldn't complete us even more, but how do you ever know that? If I had another and then changed my mind, its not like you can send it back.

And then there are finances of course. Kids are expensive. Very much so. And I want to be able to afford nice things for her. Buy her a car. Pay for her wedding. Possibly send her to college. And those are just the big things. Not counting the day by day things like preschool or dance lessons. I do realize that money isn't everything. Trust me when I say I know this. But these are all things I want to do for her. We don't make a ton of money. There I put that out there. We have enough for sure and truly live within our means, but add another kid in and it would for sure be tougher.

Then there are the pro's of having another. Another Lori and Heath. Another human being that I love more than anything. Somebody to share the responsibility of taking care of us when we are older with Bentlee. A built in best friend for Bentlee. Except you can't always guarantee they will be best friends. Siblings don't always like each other. But it would def teach Bentlee a few things. How to share. How to be more patient. Giver her somebody to protect.

It's just such a serious decision for me. And typically I can make serious decisions very quickly. But just not this one. It's to big for me. So, I pray about it. I ask God to show me what His plan is. And if it's to have another child, I ask for him to open my heart to the idea. And to open Heath's. And I ask him that if it's his plan that Bentlee is an only child, then let me be concrete in my knowing that so I don't drive myself nuts. I keep waiting for the day where I can be sure one way or the other.