I yelled at my child this morning. My tiny, little sweet 18 month old who has no reason to be yelled at. And that is how I started my day. I was getting her dressed and it was cool out, but I put her in shorts. I decided to put her tennis shoes on becase I was afraid her feet would get cold in sandels. She apparently didn't want to wear her tennis shoes, so she started throwing a tantrum and wouldn't even let me tie her shoes. I finally made her even though she was screaming. She went into her room and dumped her shoe box out and was picking every other weird shoe to wear including her dressy church shoes. I was ignoring her and going about getting ready as she was following behind me screaming and crying. Finally, I had enough and I yelled. I told her that I didn't have time for her to be acting this way this morning. She cried some more and I finished getting ready. I realized that I needed to try and get ahold of myself before starting my day so even if I was late, I needed to take a minute. So I sat down in the floor and asked her what we could do to fix it. What did she want? I asked if she still didn't want to wear her shoes. She immediately stuck her foot up to tell me she didn't. So, I took them off and threw them across the living room. Then, I put her sandels on and she was SO happy. They are new and sparkly and apparently she really likes them. If her feet get cold today, so be it. They make her happy. On the way to drop her off, I apologized to her for yelling. When we got there, she was extra sweet to me and hugged me for about ten good minutes. I asked if she was mad at me and she kept hugging me so I guess she forgave me.
It was on my way to work later when I was reflecting on the morning that I was so very sorry for yelling at her. And I realized that sometimes I need to step back and remember to choose my battles wisely. Why couldn't I just put the sandels on her and pack the other shoes in the bag for later? She loved these new shoes and kept calling them "pretty" and "silder" (they are silver). The answer is- I could have. I could have avoided upsetting her and myself. Also, I realized that sometimes even though I don't want to, I may yell at her. It doesn't make me a bad momma. It just means I'm human. And she showed me when we got there and she hugged me for so long, that she won't hold it against me. I think she understands that I still love her even when I'm mad at her. And that to me is amazing. That in her 18 month old world, she knows that momma may yell, but that I still love her very much.
She teaches me things everyday. Her lesson today was- sometimes when life gets busy, I need to just stop. I need to re-evaluate and remember what is important. Her happiness is important to me. And I need to listen. I wasn't paying her enough attention. I didn't realize that the silver shoes meant that much to her. I thought she was just being a whiny toddler. But now I realize even more that she is her own person. She has her own likes/dislikes and opinions. And sometimes when its things that won't harm her, I need to let her be her own person. Because that is the only way she will ever learn some things. If her feet get cold today, maybe she will wear her tennis shoes tomorrow and learn that Mommy is usually right :)
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